Wednesday, December 10, 2008

And No Religion, Too ...

We had a multi-area holiday Christmas pot-luck today at work. For readers unfamiliar with my employment, let’s just say I work for the Government. While it’s not the United States Federal Government, it is a government that establishes separation of church and state (Idaho Constitution, art. 9, § 5). So when the sign-up sheet came around, with the potentially offensive title “Christmas Party Signup Sheet”, I lightheartedly, though with the more serious intention of perhaps alerting the organizers to their (most certainly unintentional) insensitivity, wrote in “Channukah”, “Kwanzaa”, “Solstice”, and “Ramadan” above the word “Christmas”*. I had hoped for at least an acknowledgement that there are non-christianists in the office.

Yeah, right.

Anyway, it was quite a spread. There were no less than 4 different types of pork products, and feeling awash in the state-sponsered spirit of the Virgin Birth, I chose to send a hearty “Screw you, Jews!” by foregoing salads, rolls, and vegetables, instead gorging solely on various hams, hickory Spam (yes, Hickory Spam!), and pork’n’seeds.

In case anyone has issues with this, please be aware that I will be telling one Jesus joke per day as I plug in each bulb on my desktop menorah (no candles in the workplace … thanks, OSHA):

Day 1:
Q: “What did Jesus say as they took him down from the cross?”
A: (falling forward) “FEET FIRST! FEET FIRST!”

Day 2:
Q: “Did you hear about the girl who started going to church ‘cause she heard there was a guy hung like this (arms spread out like Jesus on the cross)?”

And so on …

Say, is that thunder I hear?

* No, I didn’t include Boxing Day. Fuck the Canucks.


Pick-a-lilly said...

You are one of the God haters that Papa Bear is always warning us about, aren't you?

Sarah said...

I'll be sure not to stand too close to you in a storm...or if you happen to meet my mom.