One of my favorite weekend rituals is sitting down at my breakfast counter, with spuds a-sizzling on the stove and a
half-gone bottle of Old Overholt rye whiskey pot of fresh-brewed coffee on the counter,
and taking a stab at the crossword puzzle that appears in the local newspaper. I rarely complete them, especially the Sunday
edition, as they become increasingly difficult as the week progresses, and in
fact, the Sunday clues often seem to be written in a language entirely unbeknownst to
me. Still, rituals being what they are,
I persistently write down squiggly little symbols in the little boxes, symbols which, for the
most part, are indeed part of our commonly accepted English alphabet.
It’s well-established that doing (or attempting, in my case) crossword puzzles can be beneficial, at least as relating to certain mental aspects of our lives. Crosswords have been linked to increased memory retention, reduced risk/delayed onset of dementia and Alzheimer’s Disease, and tolly knowing the name of Nick and Nora’s dog. Of course, they’re of no benefit whatsoever, and in fact, can be quite harmful, in the context of getting things done around the house, but there are costs and benefits to all things in life, and I’ll leave it to the reader to ponder them as they relate to her own life.
Of course, I enjoy doing the crosswords during the week as well, and even though I am but a “weekends-only" subscriber to the paper, I am fortunate enough to have a coworker who does something called “exercise” before work, and who brings a gymnasium-supplied photocopied facsimile of the weekday version into the office each morning. Thus, I am able to continue to stave off the onset of (further) idiocy the other five days of the week as well.
Or, rather, I was.
Friday was that coworker’s last day, and so, at the time of me typing this, it’s been almost 30 hours since I did a puzzle. I think it’s like 30 hours, at least, but I can’t really remember when I did it on yesterday. I’m pretty sure it was yesterday and not the day before, because it had the comics that I like with the colors and I know that happens on the Sundays accept that dumb doonsberry that don’t make since and its still in black and wite and my favrit one with pig iz gone. Plus thers lots of extra pages that look like comics at first but then you go and look for the talking aminals and their arent any animals at all much less ones talking funny stuff. But im gonna go to wendys after i go home from werk becuz i no they have the puzzle things and the mazes too i like the mazes and i try to stay in the lines but somtimz the crans brake and i never find wutz difrent in the too picherz either but i still lik the choklat frosty things but Im going rite after i say hi to my dog (i rilly say bark becuz she dont no peepel tok) cuz i dont want to turn into a stoopid hed so im gon do puzelz
With apologies to Daniel Keyes, of course.