Wednesday, December 9, 2009

'Tis The Season For Something, Alright ...

I had made a commitment to myself to not be so grumpy this holiday season. I’m not sure why I get my panties all in a bunch this time of year in the first place – I’m not religious, but it certainly doesn’t bother me that the Christians usurped the pagan celebration of the sun god Mithra throw a birthday bash on some arbitrary day, nor do I really care that the Jews had some hash oil that was so strong they stayed high for eight days (or something ... my knowledge of theology may be a bit lacking … it might have been me that was wasted for eight days).

Whatever the reasons, I know two things:

1) Part of it has to do with traffic, and
2) I’m not going to meet that commitment this year.

I was working on a little something out in the garage last night (not a euphemism), and my band saw blade broke. This happened, of course, while I had all kinds of guides and jigs set up to make certain cuts, which I had to remove to get the broken blade out, and which I’ll never get set up the same way again, so I’ll basically have to start over. Since, years ago, I made the decision to buy a band saw from Harbor Freight, meaning that it takes some freak-sized blade that only they sell, I had to drive out Fairview avenue in the middle of the afternoon.

The Fairview avenue that has stoplights approximately a mile apart. The Fairview avenue that’s bumper-to-bumper traffic, each driver cheerfully exuding that “piss-on-you-jack-I-got-mine” holiday attitude in between text messages. The Fairview avenue on to which I needed to turn left. THAT Fairview avenue.

The process of turning right, switching lanes, getting into the middle turn lane, pulling into a parking lot, and pulling back out to complete my virtual left turn took approximately 4 ½ days. Hence the failed commitment. I will be grumpy, my heart will not grow three sizes this or any other day, and I will not have the strength of ten Grinches plus two.

Ultimately, of course, I blame the person on whose gift I was working. Oh, I’ll finish it, and give it to them, but I just hope they know that my dog got an extra Kwanzmasakkuhstice beat-down because of them.


Pick-a-lilly said...

You know, for some reason it is easier to read your blogs after couple two or three glasses of wine.

And unfortunately, today I have to agree with your grumpiness...this time of year the ME FIRST FUCK YOU attitude of most people (particularly those driving like fools in front of me or behind me when I'm trying to get home from work) about sends me into a rage the likes of which most have never seen.

The Dead Acorn said...

So you're saying you have to be drunk to read my writing? That's just great.

Pick-a-lilly said...

I wasn't drunk, just a little tipsy. And I'm suggesting that maybe you're drinking when you write it and that's why it seems to flow a little better when I'M drinking. Ha ha

Sheesh a little sensitive about it aren't you?

Pick-a-lilly said...

I forgot to ask...

When did you start wearing panties? Are they the lacy kind or the silky kind? Am I getting too personal?

You brought it up..