Tuesday, April 28, 2009

She Comes In Colors Everywhere

We had a fantastic storm today. Thunder, lightning, rain, hail, frogs, the whole nine yards. I had an appointment to meet the new owner of the house next to me and his realtor about some weird water pump thingy on his property that was wired to my house (the lots used to be one and were subdivided just as I bought my place). I was on the edge of my seat watching them dig around blindly trying to find the source of the 220 line during a full-on apocolyptic fury, thinking that I'd finally join the double-digit tier of the "accidental deaths seen live" club, but alas, it remains as much a dream as the Mile High club. I think I'll just drive to Denver, get a hooker and two tickets to a Broncos game.

Shortly after, I was driving over to pick up the Live Acorn, and I drove around a curve and saw this:

click on image for larger version ... DO IT!

Unfortunately, I didn't have my Hasselblad HD2-39, so it's not the highest quality shot. Luckily, I had my 8-pixel Nokia phone, at least, and had amazingly just read the owner's manual concerning snapping photos not two days ago!

Disirregardless of the quality, it was far and away the most amazing rainbow I've ever seen. I almost hit a car pulling over to take the picture. Even better, as I drove up on the bench, I could see both ends actually fading into the trees in town. The only sucky part was that I could also see at least 20 people at each end fighting over the pots o' gold, so I knew I had no chance at them. Plus, those leprechauns fight dirty, and I'm a loser, not a fighter. Fuckin' Irish.

I took a little crap from the Live Acorn for showing so many people the picture down at the pub. I can't help it if I have that romantic streak in me. Many's the time I've stood watching a rainbow, holding hands with a beautiful girl, both of us speechless before the beauty of nature ... and then I'd say something about different wavelengths being diffracted differently by the moisture, and how there were always double rainbows, you just couldn't see one most of the time, and how beautiful sunsets were caused by differential filtering due to pollutants, and then, well, I'd generally end up walking home alone in the rain.

Her (sighing): Why is the sky blue, Dead Acorn?

Dead Acorn, in ideal world: Because the heavens are lonely without you, my love...

Dead Acorn, in real world: Well, while light can correctly be discussed as both a wave and a particle, for the purposes of this conversation, let's treat it as a wave ... you see ...

Her: You're such an douche. Take me home.

I was reminded today, however, by one of the valley's foremost biblical scholars, and, to be honest, my favorite theologian, that rainbows are the Big Guy's reminder of his promise never to flood the earth again. "Noah way, Noah how!", he's reputed to have said, with his classic deitistic wit. Agnostic though I am (or atheist, if it holds the promise of a fun argument), I actually took some solace in this.

Until I got home.

My driveway has a slight slope down toward the garage door, and though the door itself does have a rubber water-sealy thing at the bottom, it's not entirely waterproof. And while I readily admit that it was not a flood of biblical proportions, and while I also admit that it's not strictly the world in my garage, it's sort of my world, and it sort of got flooded.

Clearly God's a fucking liar.

Some may argue that I've known about the sagging rain gutter above the door for years, and have chosen to do nothing about it. Those are the same losers who claim that "God helps those who help themselves." Do you people not realize you're entirely embracing secular humanism with that kind of logic? BLIND FAITH, people. It's the only thing that will get you into heaven. That's why I haven't fixed my fucking gutters.

I'm rambling a bit here, I think. Still, screw you, God ... I expect you over here tomorrow to clean up the soggy sawdust. And bring beer.

And since it's Dead Acorn Tuesday Night Music Club:

Nena - She's A Rainbow

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