Funny, I Don't LOOK Jewish ...

In my travels yesterday evening, I came upon a burning bush.

No, really.

I was riding my bike home, turned from Ellis toward 28th, and there was a big ole juniper bush fully aflame, with the fire reaching above the power lines about 25 feet off the ground. Three bushes, actually, and it was something to behold. I also heard a deep, powerful voice speaking to me. That’s not unusual, though – I call him Mr. Z, and he tells me to do things sometimes, but I generally ignore him. Still, he’s good company most of the time, and he's been around a long time. Anyway ...

So did I go all Moses on people? Telling you not to worship false idols, when those baseball bobbleheads are so cool? Telling you to honor your mother and father, when, for all I know, your dad’s a real butthead who spends 12 hours a day at the office and ignores your mom, who’s basically floating through life on Xanax? Telling you to keep the Sabbath holy (we're not going to count my past admonitions to worship at the Church Of Soldier Field)? No, I didn’t. I called 911, and they showed up in about a minute and put the thing out.

I mean, seriously, why would someone wander around in the desert for 40 years when there’s cold beer being served? It ain’t gonna drink itself, you know …