In my spare time, I go to “work” at a “job,” which involves, among other things, analyzing data used to forecast offender population levels within a governmental correctional system. I realize that the fact that I have a “job” may cause some confusion in my readers, as one might naturally assume that the princely income that I receive for “writing” this blog-thingy must certainly be sufficient to provide an extremely lavish lifestyle. One would be correct, of course, but once one factors in all of the spare time that I would have if I didn’t have something to occupy me for eight hours each day (each of these little ramblings takes about 8-10 minutes/2-3 beers), along with the far-from-negligible cost of my various vices, one can easily imagine the dire financial straits I would soon be in if it weren't for my employment.
Well, tomorrow I'll be involved in a day-long meeting that will include such attendees as sheriffs, a state Supreme Court justice, a district judge, a number of legislators, the entire Board of Correction, representatives of the Parole Commission, several grudge-holding ex-girlfriends, and a contingent from the State Police. It has the air of one of those sting operations in which police send “You’ve won a new boat!” messages to people with warrants, then arrest them when they actually show up, only in reverse.
As far as I know, all of my priors are closed cases, I’ve ensured that I have no detainers issued by neighboring states, and it's my understanding that we still have no extradition treaty with Nauru. Still, there’s something not quite right about this whole thing … there’s something fishy going on … something’s going down … there’s something rotten in the state of Denmark. Ok, that’s enough.
So if this site goes dark (I’m fairly certain that InterPol is already monitering me, and as cunning as I’ve been so far, I know that it’s only a matter of time before they crack my code), you’ll at least have an idea of what happened.
To anyone who has the inclination to send me a cake with a file in it, would you please use the Pillsbury Funfetti mix? That always makes me smile.
6 years ago
6 comments:
How exciting. Do they make you wear orange jumpsuits in all US prisons? Is orange your colour?
I think it's an agency-by-agency choice. Our state uses blue jeans and light blue shirts, which will complement my eyes quite nicely, I think. I'm definitely not an orange.
I work a Rhode Island court beat for a newspaper, and it's far, far less exciting than anyone realizes. I've sat in on a couple dozen hearings now, and only once has it been like Law and Order, which cuts out all of the chaff.
Well, DA, that is good news. Orange just washes me out too - now, blue, yes, with my typical Irish complexion looks much better.
Anyway, if they do lock you up (and I know of course you'll be completely innocent) see if you can get yourself extradited over here - I have a friend whoes job it used to be to approve new prison design plans, and he swears he had secret escape tunnels included, just in case he ever needed them...I'm sure he'd let me pass on the info...
So, we need an update now.
What's the story?
While on a personal level, I'm happy to report that I remain unincarcerated, I find it a bit disturbing that our system failed on such a basic level as to let me slips through.
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