Friday, March 26, 2010

Nary A Cross Word Between Lovers

I have a strong affection for the daily crossword puzzle that’s printed in the local newspaper. There’s definitely a risk/reward aspect to doing them; as the week progresses, so does the difficulty of the puzzle. So while completing a Sunday puzzle feels as good as finally slipping into that narcotic-induced numbness that brings sweet respite from the brutal reality of one's workaday life, failure on a Monday brings a shame no less than that of crawling back, once again, to Monique, the cross-dressing dominatrix who always seems to “forget” one's safeword.

I particularly enjoy the ones with a theme. In these, a number of the longer clues have to do with a similar topic, or make up a famous quotation, or are exemplars of a bad, but admirably formulaic, play on words … something along those lines.

Today’s was such a puzzle, and the theme was so brilliant that I feel I have to mention it here:

(spoiler alert for those who haven’t done the puzzle yet …)

Songs Of Love.

Yep, all of the thematically-related answers were song titles that contained the word love. ZOMG HOW SWEET AND ROMANTIC! Now, as you may have noticed, I’ve written a few angsty and emo posts in my time, and I certainly can’t deny having gone over the top once or twice when the moon was full and I had left the door to the freezer that I keep my heart in wide open. On the other hand, I wrote that crap* on an obscure blog, not in a crossword that millions of people are going to see.

The answers:

  • She Loves You

  • Love Stinks

  • No More I Love Yous

  • Bye Bye Love

  • I’m Not In Love

I really, really want to know the story behind the crossword author and the object of his/her affections completely rational response to whatever the monster did to break his/her heart complex emotions. At the very least, I'm hoping that we see this turn a little more aggressive and that the paper has to print some type of "Certain Answers Are Not Suitable For Children Or Faint-Hearted Crossworders" warning over the next few days. You know, clues like "Female Dog In The Act Of Making Love" ... that sort of thing.

I think the broken-hearted have a new patron saint.

* "crap" is a descriptor of my writings, not of the crossword puzzle.


Domestic Oub said...

That sounds like the best crossword ever. Not only the idea of it getting harder as the week goes on. But this word puzzle exposé of heartbreak! How wonderful - in a tragic way of course.

Is it available online?

The Dead Acorn said...

As a matter of fact, it is!

That page also has the author's name and his blog URL ... I sent him a comment about the puzzle, and it's currently awaiting moderation before it shows up. I suspect it might not make it.