Thursday, March 4, 2010

Free At Last, Free At Last

I’ve mentioned before that I have a clinically diagnosable addiction to fondness for craigslist. I usually check the “bikes” section just to see if there’s anything that I’ll never use to further clutter up my garage, and the “sporting” section, as I’m currently looking for one of those roof-top carrier thingies (so I can carry around all the bike junk I'll never use). But by far my favorite section is the “free” stuff … sweet jeebus, you see some good loot on there. (Click on the images to enlarge.)

Exhibit A: Sofa for bonfire.


The burning doesn’t sound optional … I suppose you could just tell them you were going to burn it, even though you really wanted it just to sit on. I couldn’t, though, because I have some semblance of a moral code, you lying bastard.

Exhibit B: Concrete Sidewalk.


Sure, there’s a bit of the Tom Sawyer “white-washing this fence is great fun! Wanna try it?” thing going on here, but I found the line “Thank you for looking for broken concrete” very poignant and moving. The lack of a period gives a sense that the person has some fond memories of that sidewalk (childhood chalk drawing? 2 am tryst with drunken neighbor?), and can’t bring himself to face the finality of his decision to demolish it.

Exhibit C: Stripper Pole.


Okay, this wasn’t in the “free” section, but it’s still good to know that it’s available. I don’t know what I’d do with two, though.

Exhibit OH MY FUCKING GOD OH MY FUCKING GOD THE HORROR …


ATTEMPT TO BURN THEM? YOU SICK BASTARD! I’m coming for you, my brothers … oh, the acornity …

10 comments:

Domestic Oub said...

Wow, it's like shows how, like, you're an ocean away, and all Americanlike, but, you know, we're all the same! Cause, I have the Irish version of craiglist open AS I TYPE! Right now. And obsessively look at at least four other freebie sites. I make Obsessives look like stoned sloths.


But, I must say, there is nothing half as much fun as those examples... We're just lacking ambition methinks.

The Dead Acorn said...

I just looked at the Irish craiglist, and the "free" section was pretty bare. I did get two blessings, though, and I'm told that something good will happen to me tomorrow. I take this to mean that I'll meet the woman of my dreams, but since I got two blessings, two of them will show up, and end up falling in love with each other, leaving me weeping at the proverbial altar.

Nothing that hasn't happened before.

Domestic Oub said...

Ah, I should clarify - when I said 'version', I should have said 'eqivilent' - try http://dublinwaste.ie/free_trade.php for the good stuff...

Then there is gumtree and jumbletown and freecycle and, and... all the free crap one could ever want...

Domestic Oub said...

You know. I am sitting here, attempting to finish the last chapter of the book I have been writing on and off for the last five years. You think I could focus... that is how obsessed I am with the junk people give away...

The Dead Acorn said...

And by "junk," I assume you mean "treasure." Sometimes people just don't recognize value, beauty, and worth when they have it right there in their hands.

But you really should finish your book.

Domestic Oub said...

Did I say junk? Sillly me! Of course I meant priceless gems...

Whoohooo, only half a chapter left!

Niamh B said...

Misread the concrete man's ad first - and thought he was free to help load it on the Sun or moon... Oh how I laughed.

I'm not obsessed with free stuff just trying to avoid work. Speaking of which -

Oub - back to work!!!!

Domestic Oub said...

Yes ma'am!

P77 said...

When I first opened a bicycle courier service here in town, I had asked the city clerk for any information on relevant licensing/permits. She stared at her desk for a long moment before asking me if I truly was opening up a "sidewalk carrier" business. Cycle courier, sidewalk carrier, maybe I missed my calling.

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