Monday, March 12, 2012

Don't Fence Me In ...

OMG OMG OMG I did it I did it I rilly rilly DID IT!  I made progress on a home project!  WOOOO!

Those who know me well will recognize this as a rare occurrence indeed; one that is certainly a cause for, if not outright celebration, a begrudging acknowledgement that “well, at least he lifted his lazy ass off the bar stool.”  In any case, progress was made, which is a statement not often made in reference to my life.

The project of interest is building a 20’ high cinderblock wall topped by barbed wire quaint picket fence around my front yard.  The north side of my corner lot is out of view of my patio, so that when I’m sipping mimosas enjoying the sunrise, I’ve got to either tie the hell-hound to the tree or worry about her going on a little walkabout with the other neighborhood dogs.  She’s very friendly to all folks (save me, of course), and immensely enjoys saying hello to the local strollers-by, who don’t always share her enthusiasm about such encounters.

Last fall, I bought about 150 1”x4”x6’ cedar boards, and I’ll be damned if Saturday wasn’t an honest-to-gosh nice spring day.  And as perfect as that sounds for sitting in a nice dark pub, somehow I found myself saying “You know what would be cool to have, Dead Acorn, instead of 150 1”x4”x6’ cedar boards?  Three hunnert 1”x4”x3’ cedar boards, that’s what!”  I probably would have talked myself out of actually doing it, but at the time I said it, I was sitting alone at the bar, and my ramblings were making some patrons at the tables nervous, and the server asked me to leave.

As this was going to be a fairly simple and straightforward operation, involving only the chop saw, I didn’t foresee any problems, but being the ever-safety-conscious project-doer that I am, I checked the American Woodworker’s Society handy pocket guide to intoxication standards:

Above:  It being only around 2:00 pm, I was well within the allowable range for Compound Miter Saw use.  Norm Abrams would approve of my sense of propriety, I'm sure (click to enlarge).

A couple of hours later I was the proud owner of a large, well stacked pile of 3’ dog-eared pickets, ready to be made into a barrier further separating me from society, isolating me from human interaction and shielding me from the pain and cruelty of the outside world.  Or at least keeping the dog in the yard, I guess.

But it’s baby steps toward project completion, as I’m sure you know, and I’m excited about the prospect of finally putting my degree to real use, as the next step will be Post Hole Digging.  Then the relocation of a number of sprinkler heads, planting a garden, and widening the driveway … I’m so eager to get started I can barely sit still on my bar stool!

Vegas has put the over/under for finishing at August 14, 2014.


Niamh B said...

I just wanted to register my admiration for the drunk guide for handiworking. I've come to realise I have a bit of a grá (Irish word for love) (It's Irish speaking week over here this week and last week) for new uses for excel...
This quick and easy to use guide could save lives!

The Dead Acorn said...

I've got a laminated copy I carry in my wallet just in case an unexpected project comes along. If it saves even one finger, this blog has served its purpose!

Seachtain teanga sásta Gaeilge!

Sarah said...

You DID do something this weekend! Was it the FB heckling that motivated you? hehe

The Dead Acorn said...

Sarah - don't worry, I got plenty of jammied-up shufflin' in, too. That FB stuff isn't so much "heckling" as "astute and truthful observations about my normal weekend activities."

I almost went camping Saturday night, though.

The Bug said...

I would give that guide to my wood-working father-in-law, but since he's a Baptist church deacon he might frown on it.

The WxB said...

Dude, you know it was the FB heckling.

The Dead Acorn said...

Bug, now I'm trying to put together a chart based on how fun a power tool is to use, and if you're allowed to use it, based on level of sinning over the prior 7 days. I think the end points are the bench grinder (god I hate that thing) and the reciprocating spindle/belt sander (sometimes I just go out and sand curvy stuff out of scrap wood). Maybe your dad could have some input into ranking what kind of things we should try to improve in our lives - I would TOLLY carry both cards in my wallet! (e.g., ding-dang it ... I cut that guy off in traffic the other day, knowing full well I was in no hurry, and it would have been a nice thing to do ... no lathe for me!)

WxB - I'm sorry I don't have the luxury of spending weekends in resort towns ... some of us have work to do, you know. (Wanna come over for mimosas this weekend?)