Wednesday, August 3, 2011


I think that, in general, I’m a fairly level-headed individual, not usually prone to outbursts of anger. Oh, to be sure, there are the moments when I’m in my car and I’m red-faced, screaming “GOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO” to the person in front of me, who had the nerve to sit at the light for more than a split second upon it turning green. And of course, I’ve been known to fly into an assaultive rage whenever I encounter someone who’s* opinion differs from mine. And yes, I’ll routinely throw dishes at my kitchen walls when I discover that I’ve only got one teaspoon of baking powder when the recipe calls for two. But who amongst us can truthfully claim otherwise?

There’s nothing that sets me off more, however, than an error in the daily Jumble. In the August 3rd puzzle, the words were simple enough to unscramble:

I’m sure that you, as cinematically astute readers, immediately recognize what drove me to hurl my bowl of Cheerios through the plate glass window and begin a violent assault on the dog upon reading the clue:

George Lazenby followed Sean Connery, not Roger Moore. George Fucking Lazenby.

I expect this type of sloppiness from the New York Times, but my god, this is the Jumble. I was able to stop shaking after about 20 minutes, at least enough to compose a scathing, violence-threatening, and profane email to the Jumble co-creators, David L. Hoyt and Jeff Knurek, whose internet biography has the temerity to state “Jumble is one of the most widely known and trusted word-game brands in the country …” [ed. - bolding is mine].

Trusted? TRUSTED? Perhaps that was once true, but no more. If we can’t depend on the Jumble to do even the slightest bit of fact-checking research, then how can we depend on anything in the newspaper? Indeed, such is the devastating blow to my faith that I don’t know who to trust or what to believe anymore. Just typing these words is enough to bring back the rage to the point where I am no longer able to maintain my composure.

You will feel my wrath, Jumble co-creators. You will FEEL. MY. WRATH.

* Used in error on purpose, as explained in comments. Ummm ... yeah, that's what happened.


JB said...

I feel your wrath. I typically have a similar reaction when I come across the misuse of punctuation (e.g., when someone uses "who's" instead of "whose" to indicate possession). Unfortunately, a circumstance such as that which you describe may cause even the most fastidious grammarian to err from time to time.

The Dead Acorn said...

I wondered if anyone would pick up on that - my use of a grammatical error to illustrate the depth of my ire, in addition to the verbal description. Well observed! Note that I used the proper term later, just to let you know that I did it on purpose.

Yeah. I'll go with that.

Jumble Jeff said...

Well, Mr. Acorn, I am very sorry that we got your blood boiling and that your faith in newspapers has been thrown to the curb given what you see as egregious error on our part. our defense, after George Lazenby played Bond, Sean Connery did return to the role in Diamonds Are Forever, and THEN Roger Moore preceded Connery. Obviously you are very knowledgeable on all things Bond and I hope you would agree that George Lazenby's name would escape 99% of all movie goers as someone who played James Bond. That being said, technically we were correct in our Jumble, Moore did follow Connery, not Lazenby. I hope you have returned to playing the Jumble. We really have been trying to bring new challenges and new puns that you certainly would not have seen over the previous 50 years of the Jumble. Please keep buying the newspaper. LAL HET SEBT,
Jeff Knurek

The Dead Acorn said...

Well, once again, my "do two seconds of cursory research and then spout off" approach has left me with egg on my face. My humble apologies, of course, and I must say that the world seems a little better now that my trust in the Jumble has been restored. If you just could pass a little of your fact-checking acumen on to the political reporters ...

Thanks for the comment (my second Celebrity Comment!), and rest assured that my newspaper subscription isn't in jeopardy. A Sunday morning without the crossword, Jumble, sudoku, and mimosas is unimaginable. (I will admit to a bit of jealousy, as you get paid to create puns, whereas when I make one, I get beer thrown on me, more often than not.)