Happy Birthday (You Know, Whenever It Is ...)

I’m not good with dates.

“Well, duh …” you’re most assuredly saying, if you happen to be one of the unfortunate people with whom I’ve asked to spend time in a social setting or public place with romantic or other I-know-I’m-a-dork-but-I-like-you-more-than-just-as-a-friend-so-how-‘bout-dinner? intentions (Eileen - the Downtown Alliance dropped all charges, and I’m sure you would be able to go in to most establishments without too much embarrassment now).

“Well, duh …” you’re most assuredly saying, if you happen to be one of the unfortunate people who was asked to taste-test my attempt at making wine from dates (Sandy - my heartfelt condolences and best wishes on your continued recovery).

However, in this case, I’m referring to the fact that there’s a 50% chance that today is my brother’s birthday (it's either today or was three days ago). In my defense, I should say that I’m fairly certain no one in my family is positive, including him, whether it’s the 21st or the 24th, due in large part in toto, I’m sure, to the fact that our mother was often uncertain herself (this was most likely attributable to my brother being the firstborn and our mother having used a FOFF (first occurring, first forgotten) technique of memory management).

Prior to last Friday, I would have bet a buck on it being the 24th, but I logged in to the Facebook thingy that day, and saw an announcement that it was, in fact, the 21st. “Hunh.” I said to myself. My first thoughts were that it must be true, since 1) it’s on the internet, and 2) he himself would have been the one to have entered it. My certainty was almost immediately eroded, however, as 1) several sports sites on the googletubez claim that the Green Bay Packers were victorious in their battle against the Chicago Bears yesterday, which is, of course, utter bullshit (shut up shut up I can't hear you lalalalalala), and 2) my brother is well capable of, and inclined to, perpetrating pointless but ingenious hoaxes such as this with my further confusion as his only goal (he and my older and younger sisters are the smart ones in the family).

Anyway, I called him on the 21st, and I’ll call him again tonight, so I guess he gets his precious two Happy Birthdays. As for me, I guess being confused over a couple of days is better than not knowing what month it is, so I’ll take it as a plus. Who knows? Maybe five or ten years from now, I'll try making wine again.