Tuesday, June 8, 2010

Sleeping The Sleep Of The Innocents

I’ve got to figure out an effective way to get to sleep. Lying awake from 2 am to 5 am night after night really isn’t doing me much good. The whisky method, while certainly capable of inducing “sleep,” has certain ramifications the next day, not the least of which are what I refer to as “appearance issues.” (“Appearance,” in this context, includes not simply a certain level of dishevelment in the visual sense, but also a certain … aura, if you will … of an olfactory nature. Reeking of Talisker at 7:30 am when the Big Boss strolls into your office is frowned upon, apparently.)

I’m not a big fan of ingesting non-recreational prescription drugs in general, but Ambien in particular seems to me to be something of a “chick drug.” Sort of the pharmaceutical equivalent of a new-style convertible Volkswagen Beetle, I guess … an over-the-counter alternative is Benadryl, which hospitals purportedly use to calm infants and children. I would estimate that I get called a “baby” about as often as I get called a “girl” (both occur with remarkable regularity), so what the hell, maybe either of those would suffice.

I’ve heard hypnosis works, but there’s some paranoid part of me that is positive the hypnotist will be some sort of prankster, and that one night at The Cactus, someone will say “rhododendron,” and I’ll climb up on the bar and start squawking like a goddamned rooster (not that I haven’t done that before; it just wasn’t due to hypnotism in the past … also, if someone could let me know if they’ve taken my picture down from the DNS board behind the bar, I’d appreciate it).

So I don’t know. Maybe just biting the bullet and getting up earlier would be exhausting enough to get me through the night. That seems less new-agey than special herbs or a bubbling-brook sound machine, and safer than autoerotic asphyxiation, I suppose. Still, it’s good to know I’m not quite yet out of options.

21 comments:

Kathleen said...

I don't think they have a DNS list at The Cactus..

Indy The BEST Dog Ever said...

Perhaps if you didn't snort so much crack during the day, you wouldn't have so much trouble sleeping at night, Loser. I mean..duh.

Niamh B said...

hmmm vodka leaves your breath less smelly than whiskey... I mean I hear that it does... I wouldn't know for sure.

The Dead Acorn said...

The DNS list is pretty exclusive.

Hmmm ... vodka ... liquor friend of the working class. This changes everything.

prom queen said...

They do have a list called, "This girl slaps people"

Kathleen said...
This comment has been removed by a blog administrator.
Martin said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
Anonymous said...

TWow, I hope The Dead Acorn locks his doors at night because Indy appears to be in cahoots with a crazy person and shouldn't be trusted to guard his home.

Martin said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
Anonymous said...

My name's Talking Tina, and I'm going to KILL you!! ha ha

Kathleen said...

Ah, Prom Quee- er - Anonymous, you're so smart to figure out who is writing Indy's blog for her, since I clearly tried SO hard to hide it! I guess that must be where all this frustration is coming from? You're jealous that Indy asked me to write her blog for her instead of you!

You really shouldn't take it personally. After all, I was her friend before you were.

Martin said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
Kathleen said...

Oops!

Someone didn't like a taste of their own medicine, eh?

Martin said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
Kathleen said...

Oh look! I posted my name! Oh guess what!? I can say I am Kathleen or I can say I'm Martin and it doens't make me any less "anonymous"

Martin said...

Oh! Now I'm Martin and I'm less anonymous!

Martin said...
This comment has been removed by a blog administrator.
Kathleen said...

Well, Kathleen happens to be my name. So I hardly see how posting with my own name is 'anonymous'. And I've never posted under the name Martin. His comments are his own.

Kathleen said...

And I'd appreciate it if you'd not use my name when you make posts. Use your own, or whatever alias you prefer. Just don't use my name.

The Dead Acorn said...

I'm not sure when my comments section became Crazyville, but your assumption about who is making comments here is completely wrong. I'm not a fan of deleting comments, but when they're made about other people who have no involvement in any of the discussion, I will.

Impressive level of discourse here. A lecture on the cowardice of anonymous posting from someone with just a first name and a blocked profile ... I believe we're witnessing the death of irony.

Kathleen said...
This comment has been removed by a blog administrator.