Tuesday, May 18, 2010

Into The Wild (But Not Too Far From A Store, Just In Case)

Well, the first camping excursion of the summer (spring?) is out of the way. We in the Boise area are pretty dang lucky to be able to drive an hour or so and be out with the bears and wolves and their bloodlust for human flesh. The Payette River is also home to the ravenous Freshwater Mountain Piranha, which makes the 5:00 am cobweb-clearing head-dunk a little exciting.

I did take the Devil Dog, after being guilted into it by the person I had asked to feed her Friday night. It’s not that I didn’t think she’d enjoy it; it’s that I knew she would wander off, make friends with all of the vicious wildlife, and bring them back to the campsite. That’s just her way – many is the time when I’ve woken up at home only to find a bunch of beer cans strewn around the kitchen and some passed-out raccoons that she invited in during the night. Sure, she’s evil incarnate, but she’s very friendly.

She did seem to have a good time … there was another dog along, and it was his first time camping, so they were pretty goofy together. They disagreed about fire-starting methods (Indy’s a log-cabin girl, Bolt’s a tepee guy. I explained that it’s not the style of kindling prep, it’s the amount of gasoline that determines the success of the blaze). We had a fine fire, with eyebrows largely intact.

The only rough moment was when it was time to go to bed … Indy was having no part of getting into the tent. She had the classic front-leg-lock going on, with me inside trying to pull her in. She wound up sleeping in the car, but the next day walked willingly into one of the other tents, so obviously the problem wasn't that she didn’t want to be in a tent, but that she didn't want to be in a tent with me. It’s nothing I haven’t experienced before. I'm not saying it doesn't hurt; just that I'm used to it.

All in all, it was a nice little escape from the burdens of city life. Garlic burgers, plenty of beer, no digits lost, no creepy banjo music from three sites down. There may even be a song coming out of this ("lyrics" "written" early Saturday morning):
She said that I’m worthless and a mother fucking douche
I said yeah, I got my flaws
But you know what baby? At least my dog ain’t got them … muddy paws …

She asked what’s your favorite scary shark movie of all time
I said I don’t know, but it sure ain’t Jaws
And one more thing darlin’ … my dog ain’t got them … muddy paws …
Sure, it may need some finessing, but that's all part of the creative process. I mentioned there was plenty of beer, right?

[UPDATE:] As we were up and out pretty early (in the grand tradition of Flash Camping), I heard words that I never thought I'd hear from the bartender at The Dirty Shame Saloon: "Sorry, we're not open yet." I've never been so proud.


Indy The BEST Dog Ever said...


I've had enough of your slander! I'm going to sue you for libel and defamation of character. I have already consulted an attorney who believes I have MORE than enough evidence from all your hateful posts about me.

And when I win (and win I shall), and have become the sole owner of your house, I will kick you out!! After that, you will have PLENTY of nights to enjoy sleeping in that ridiculous, flimsy, flea-ridden, embarrassment of a tent (and don't even think about pitching it on my yard).

In the meantime, I suggest you get a good attorney. You're going to need one!

Indy The BEST Dog Ever said...

And in the future, don't do me any favors, ok? I have a MUCH better time at home than I do camping with you!!

The Dead Acorn said...

I thought I asked you to stay off the computer when I wasn't there. Please clear the browser history, as I REALLY don't want to know what kind of sick sites you visit.

Indy The BEST Dog Ever said...

Ha! You ask me alot of things, loser! I do what I please. What makes you think I have ever listened to anything you say? Unless it is to use it against you somehow?

And I am not the one visiting sick websites, perv! You were the one I caught looking at
www.Iloveprettygoats.com!! It sure as hell wasn't me! The only thing I like to do with pretty goats is feast on their flesh!

Now stop slurping down vodka and get back to work before I tell your boss what you REALLY do all day!

Indy The BEST Dog Ever said...

I think I will start my own blog. Then I can tell the whole world the truth about you.

Indy The BEST Dog Ever said...

Heh heh! Click on my name to see my new blog! I am fighting back against your lies and all the years of abuse!

It's ON, fool!!

The Christian Coalition said...

I cannot believe that this FILTH is allowed to be put out on the web!! How do you sleep at night? Are you such a son of the devil that you don't care about the innocent minds you are corrupting??