Wednesday, September 16, 2009

Maybe If They Called Themselves The BenGUYS Instead Of The BenGALS ...

Overheard on the line of scrimmage during the Idaho State-Oklahoma football game last Saturday:

345 lb Ok. lineman: “We’re gonna fucking crush you. Fuck your Fiesta Bowl.”

238 lb ISU lineman: “Uh, dude, that wasn’t us. That was Boise State. We're Idaho State.”

OK lineman: “I’m gonna shove your fucking face into the turf so you can see what color grass is supposed to be!”

ISU lineman: “Seriously, dude, that’s Boise State … that’s not us.”

ISU lineman (to the teammate next to him): “Is this guy serious? Are they that stupid?”

(ball snaps)

ISU lineman (suddenly 3 yards back from where he was): “Unnnngggh … holy crap.”

OK lineman: “Reparations, blue boy!”

ISU lineman:DUDE! THAT! WASN’T! US! Look! Our uniforms are ORANGE! Plus, I don’t think ‘reparations’ means what you think it means. Maybe ‘Vengeance is OURS!’ or, if you want to go less biblical and more street-cred-y, ‘Payback, BEYOTCHES!’ would work better in this context.

OK lineman: “You know, I think you’re right. I should know that, too, as I just finished a term paper on the potential repercussions of acknowledgement by the Turks of the Armenian Genocide of 1915. I hope I didn’t tarnish the game by allowing such a lapse in lexical judgement. It’s just that I’m distracted by the fact that you used all those trick plays to beat us.”

ISU lineman (to himself): “Sweet Jeebus, I’ve never missed Pocatello more.”

ISU lineman (to OK lineman): “Wait’ll you see the Globe Of Death.”

In the end, bad officiating (ISU lost all five official reviews in the first half … home cookin’ much?) allowed the Sooners to squeak by, 64-0. The true essence of the game, however, is symbolized by Oklahoma’s inability to penetrate the Bengals’ defense on the opening drive, where they failed to score on 1st-and-one at the goal line. Moral victory, baby.

Moral victory.

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