I recently
As is the custom around the North End of Boise, Idaho, I spent a good portion of the day with friends in a locale that offered spirits (well, beer, at least), with the group growing louder and more boisterous as the evening progressed. (To those of you outside the area who may find this a tad foreign, just try it … there are no hard-and-fast rules, and you may soon find it a practice that need not be limited to the anniversary of your birth, nor to that of your friends. Go on - try it!)
There was even (at my advanced years!) a bit of the traditional “gift-giving,” and this year, I was especially touched at the thought behind a particular bouquet that a couple of very good friends presented to me. One’s first reaction might well be “isn’t it a bit odd for a man to receive flowers?” and if so, one would properly be chastised for maintaining outdated and sexist stereotypes. Why do you hate progress in the realm of social equality?
Anyway, this was no ordinary bouquet, as you can see:
For those who are unfamiliar with the fact that I reside with a demon dog: I reside with a demon dog. One of her demonic characteristics is an unbridled lust for spatulas, and the transport outside thereof, and I awake each morn and immediately concern myself with whether I will have a spatula with which to stir my daily hash browns or not. “Has she made off with yet another in the dead of night?” I ask aloud. “I heard not the tell-tale tapping of toenails, yet her secretive stealth should not surprise …”
And so you see the reason for my somewhat emotional reaction to the gift. No longer was I to be a victim of her ravenous habit. Let her steal a spatula! I would care not, for I now possessed a plethora of these magnificent utensils! It … it … it was the gift of rest, of serenity, of mornings of awakening to calmness, free of trepidation. (Also, the Necco wafers as baby's breath? Brilliant!)
At least for a week or two.
[UPDATE:] Oh sweet jeebus … I was looking at some of the other photos I had taken of the bouquet, and saw this:
Here’s an enlarged version of the section at the top, above and to the right of the black spatula:
The absence of a camera to my eye discounts the explanation of it simply being my reflection in the plate glass window. No, the only possibility is that I’ve caught the very image of whatever minion of C’thulu is possessing poor Indy. O sweet puppy, I shall try to understand your torment and swear to rid you of it …
I’ve yet to hear back from St. Mary’s on scheduling a priest.
20 comments:
I don't think I'd ever be able to sleep in that house again! On the other hand - cool gift. Oh, and happy birthday!
Bug, there are lots of scary things in my house - more bicycles than I know what to do with, a rubber pink flamingo, a miniature version of the leg lamp from "A Christmas Story" ...
And thanks for the "happy birthday!" The gap between my chronological age and my level of maturity grows ever onward ...
Ahhhhh, alliteration!
"I heard not the tell-tale tapping of toenails, yet her secretive stealth should not surprise …”
The day that you face reality is the day that pigs fly.
Oh, anonymous ... you're always here for me. Thank you.
Really Acorn? Why do you do keep doing this to my friend? She loved going to that bar because she felt a part of a community but she’s pretty much stopped going there because of you. You can't even stay away long enough to allow her to watch one football game a week and enjoy the camaraderie of the other fans? I’m not sure what she ever saw in you.
KT,
Haven't you noticed that she seems perfectly fine to be in the bar with him? It's his girlfriend she doesn't want to show up and she has no right to make that request. She throws her little temper tantrums when they show up, regardless of the day. She thinks if they don't come, then it's for her, or if they do, then it's to hurt her. Nothing is about her. It's been his bar, and his Sunday hangout, for ten years. He's not the bad guy and there's no reason she shouldn't be able to act like an adult and be in the same bar with him and his girlfriend. This has been going on for a year and a half and it needs to stop. If you're really her "friend" you'll tell her she's ridiculous and she needs go grow up.
KT: You don't understand the situation as well as you think you do. Your friend is happy as a clam when The DA is there alone and chooses to interact with him with regularity. When his girlfriend shows up she turns into a complete freakshow, throwing tantrums like a five-year-old (and that's being generous). She frequently makes scenes in that establishment - so often that the patrons and staff, upon seeing DA's girlfriend walk in, stop to watch her reaction because it will inevitably be pathetically entertaining. What she fails to realize is that she is more or less inconsequential - they are simply living their lives, without malice. They have never done anything with the intention of hurting her, in fact, they've never done ANYTHING with any consideration of her existence because SHE IS NOT A FACTOR IN THEIR DECISION-MAKING PROCESS. Nor should she be! Based on what I've seen and heard, I believe she is mentally unstable and needs therapy, medication, or both - she's been on the verge of Fatal-Attraction-Rabbit-Boiling-In-A-Pot more than once. At the very least she needs to learn how to LET IT GO and live her own life without trying to make him miserable. That's what a sane, decent human being would choose to do rather than choose to thrive on the junior high school drama she thrives on creating. If you truly care for her, and truly believe you're her friend, you will spend your time and energy on getting her some professional help.
I'm curious as to why the DA should be the one to avoid this place. If one person doesn't want to be around another then shouldn't that person avoid the place the other frequents? I hope there's a future blog post in all this.
Agreed, Just sayin', there are a plethora of other places in town with which to enjoy the camaraderie of other fans and partake of a libation or two. Sounds like she enjoys torturing herself AND others, which, at this point, is absolutely ridiculous and without merit. Time to move on and make someone else's life miserable. Better yet, keep your misery and drama to yourself, it's a cruel thing to do that to another human being and will win you no favors.
DA,
How sad that your blog has become a spot for people to be nasty to and towards others, all while "hiding" behind their email addresses.
What happened to this being fun and funny...was it ever? Or do you allow these posts to be posted, AND REMAIN, to feed your sociopath personality? Any Psychology student knows that you are a text book case.
"A kind word never broke anyone's mouth. "
-Irish Proverb
headored ... I do delete comments that I feel are overly abusive of others (I generally don't delete attacks on me). I don't feel that the comments here rise to that level, especially as the comment that spurred the responses was anonymous as well (and solely intended to insult me, but as I said, I leave those unless they're really over the top). But they seem well-reasoned, not intentionally abusive, and reality-based (there have been others that have just been mean-spirited, and I do delete those).
As for this blog being or not being fun/funny, no one is being compelled to read it. If you'll notice, the original post was about a birthday gift I received ... there's not really anything controversial in it, and whether it's amusing or not is left to the reader to decide.
I think it's fair to say that anyone who starts hurling insults or attacking DA will, henceforth, be making themselves a target for those of us who wish to defend him as he's not particularly inclined to defend himself (though entirely capable), being the kind and gentle spirit he is. I recognize it must be difficult for these hurlers-of-insults (particularly the misinformed)to adjust to no longer being able to make these remarks without retribution, but such is the case.
1DW - as much as I appreciate the sentiment, I need to ask that any comments involving "retribution" not be made. I'm not sure how some of these comment threads get started ... I'm fine with people making comments about me (as long as it's not over the top, as I said before). There was a comment thread a while back that got into some pretty harsh name-calling, and I eventually had to shut down the whole thing.
This stupid little blog is just something I do to amuse myself, and if other people want to read it, then coolio. I know that there are plenty of people who are not fond of me, and that's fine. But it's not worth anyone's time to insult each other over silly stuff.
That said, if anyone wants to have an off-blog discussion about my actions or words, please email me at thedeadacorn@gmail.com. I promise to be honest and sincere, and that I will not discuss your email with anyone and I certainly will not make mention of it on this blog.
[I deleted the previous comment and reposted because I typed my email wrong. The email address is also in the right column toward the top.]
I would like to hear more about the actual post from commenters. I know that' s a crazy thought but that's how I roll!
one more thing...you must be pretty cool to deserve this much chatter! I would not give you the time of day, let alone bitch about you non-stop. Do you have special ninja powers of seduction?
(I totally would tell you the time)
In the spirit of relevant comments... that demon dog opened your freezer just to thaw your popsicles and torture you. Demon dog indeed.
I was saving those popsicles for a special occasion, goddamn it.
HAHAHAHA!
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