Monday, August 27, 2012

Just Another Day In The Life ...

There have been some strange goings on lately around Casa de Acorn.  I walked out of the house the other morning to find this li’l speedster on my driveway:

Above:  Behold the mighty THUNDER!

He was over a foot across, and he certainly had some attitude about him, as you can see from his expression.  My first thought was that I was suspected of being a replicant and that this was one of the tests:
Dead Acorn: "I've never seen a turtle... But I understand what you mean."

Holden: "You reach down and you flip the tortoise over on its back, Dead Acorn."

Dead Acorn: "Do you make up these questions, Mr. Holden? Or do they write 'em down for you?"

Holden: "The tortoise lays on its back, its belly baking in the hot sun, beating its legs trying to turn itself over, but it can't. Not without your help. But you're not helping."

Dead Acorn: [angry at the suggestion] "What do you mean, I'm not helping?"

Holden: "I mean: you're not helping! Why is that, Dead Acorn?"
Luckily, he had a dog turtle tag with a phone number on it, and his person only lived a few doors down (which means he must have been wandering for days), so I was able to convince myself that I'm not a manufactured worker-bot.

I’ve also been trying to get a little work done in the hellscape behind my house backyard.  It’s essentially hard-baked ground in which nothing can grow but the hardiest of weeds.  While I can respect them for their tenacity, it was time for them to go.  So I start to pull these out (remember the shed project?  As you can see, it’s coming along right on schedule for completion around 2014!) …

Above:  After the nukes fly, it’ll be just the cockroaches and my backyard foliage left.

… when I discover this:

Above:  Perhaps the toughest fruit/vegetable that’s ever grown.

I assume that the seeds blew over from the neighbor’s yard, because I’ve certainly made no efforts at active cultivation.  There’s just the one cherry tomato, about an inch in diameter, having grown with absolutely no water or care of any sort.  I’m not a fan of tomatoes, but I think I’ll squish it into ketchup.  The corn dog that has the honor of bearing it will be one proud Pronto Pup, I’m certain.

Lastly, I believe I’ve mentioned that The Live Acorn has secured gainful employment, which, as it turned out, was excellent in terms of timing, as she was able to use her first paycheck to pay a fine for her jaywalking ticket, which she received as she was trying to goad her friends into crossing against the light as well.  We had the following text message exchange:
Dead Acorn:  “Way to go, outlaw.”

Live Acorn:  “Yeah, I’m a badass.  How many times have you jaywalked?”

Dead Acorn:  “Jaywalked?  Thousands.  Ticketed?  Zero.  I generally try to not make a show of it.”

Live Acorn:  “Dad, it was a motorcycle cop!  I couldn’t even see him!”

Dead Acorn:  “You should tolly plead not guilty.  The judge will buy that, I’m sure.”

Live Acorn:  “Shut up.”
Other than things like this, life is normal.  Not sure if that’s good or bad.


The Bug said...

I'm still not convinced that you're not a replicant - turtle or no turtle, it's all very suspicious.

I LOVE cherry tomatoes! In fact, I ate some on my salad just today. I wish I would find random tomatoes in MY yard.

That Live Acorn really didn't fall far from the tree. Which is probably why you call her that. (I'm a little slow)

Anonymous said...

Life is normal. That's good.

How's your job going?

The Dead Acorn said...

Now you have me concerned again, Bug. Tough to tell with technology these days. And I blame all of The Live Acorn's transgressions on the EMDAMOTLA (Ex Mrs. Dead Acorn, Mother Of The Live Acorn). I'm pretty sure she feels the same.

Anonymous, I know not of this "job" of which you speak.

Niamh B said...

Did you introduce the dog to the turtle? Maybe the turtle heard about the slumber party you threw a few months back...

The Dead Acorn said...

Niamh B ... did you see the look on the turtle's face? I thought about letting Indy out, but you know, no matter what I say, I kind of like her. Thunder The Turtle would have destroyed her.

Anonymous said...

Yeah. That's what I thought. Humiliation hurts, doesn't it, Acorn?

The Dead Acorn said...

Anonymous ... after several decades of it, I'm used to it. My current level of humiliation is no different than usual, though. But thank you for your concern.

Anonymous said...

I know I personally don't care much for life when it's too normal. I applaud your efforts to prevent the infiltration of normalcy in to your otherwise chaotic (and interesting) existence.

The Guitarman said...

You sho' know how to party out west.