Thursday, June 7, 2012

If You Billed It, They Will Come

There are many things in this world that stick in my craw – someone verbalizing the fact that a no-hitter is potentially unfolding in the 7th inning; doctors who won’t perform life-saving surgery on a child because not enough people “Liked” that child’s mother's pleading Facebook status update; when I can’t find my shoes and I have to wrap my feet in duct tape to go to work … I just get so infuriated!  I’m getting a little worked up just thinking about them!

One thing that REALLY gets my goat, however, is people who don’t listen to authority.  This shouldn’t be a difficult issue: if you’re told to do something, then do it.  If you’re told to not do something, then don’t do it.  I’m sure you agree, and I’m confident that you’ll understand my anger when I describe what I encountered just yesterday evening.

I was walking through the Hyde Park area of Boise, enjoying a lovely night, unwinding after an afternoon of music downtown.  Had you challenged me at that point to imagine a way to make life better, I would have been hard-pressed to think of anything.  My beer was nearly half gone, but that’s really about it.

Well, my bubble of joy was soon burst, as I strode by an empty store front with a number of “POST NO BILLS” signs in the windows.  I simply cannot fathom how this could be misconstrued - how could it be more clear?  But someone ... someone didn’t understand.  Why, if I didn’t know any better, I would almost think that they were purposely going out of their way to disobey!

Take a look:

Above:  The text actually SAYS "Don't Tell Me What To Do!"  Damn scofflaws.

Above:  Methinks the culprit could use a good billy-clubbing.

Above:  My rage was bill-ding.

Above:  I’m guessing this blog post isn’t everything it was billed as.

Above:  Some men just want to watch the world burn.

I sincerely hope this urban terrorist is brought to justice.  What kind of world would it be if people didn’t just do as they’re told?  Anarchy!  Chaos!  Cats and dogs, laying down together!

Society is crumbling before our eyes, and no one is doing a damn thing about it.

In order of appearance:  Bill Buckner, Bill Maher, Bill Gates, Bill Of Rights, Bill Clinton, I'm Just A Bill, Bill Murray, Bill Cosby, Buffalo Bill, Mr. Bill, Bill Nye The Science Guy, Bill O'Reilly.  Also posted but not shown:  Utility Bill, Bill Shakespeare.


Anonymous said...

Mass hysteria!

Anonymous said...

Where's the Billy Bragg concert flyer? Still even better than the joke about the rope that goes into the bar!

Anonymous said...

Mastery at all levels. I hope they catch that asshole.

Anonymous said...

I'm a firm supporter of the execution of announcers who verbalize the pitching feat that must-not-be-named.

Anonymous said...

I was sharking (Hot Carly will know what that means) when I saw the Bill photos the other day. Not that anyone I know had anything to do with this crime against humanity.

Anonymous said...

And yes, that says SHARKING and NOT sharting. Those are two distinctly different things.

Niamh B said...

On a par with IPYPIASM in terms of brilliance

(or should I say billiance)

The Dead Acorn said...

Anonymous - I'm with you on the execution of baseball announcers. And if it's Tim McCarver, then it needs to be done slowly and extra painfully.

Niamh B - there was definitely an IPYPIASMic feel about it. Only 6 more months!

The Bug said...

LOL - this is great. And yes, it's a LOT like stealthy poetry action.

Don't hurt Timmy - he doesn't know he's being just about the most annoying baseball announcer on earth :)

P.S. I wish you weren't pornography so I could read your blog at work - I keep forgetting to come back to it when I'm at home.

The Dead Acorn said...

I can't believe I'm pornography. That's going to be a little awkward if I ever have to fill out a job application where they ask about something like that. "Well, you see now, there's kind of a funny story there ..."

Anonymous said...

I love Bill Maher. He makes me wet. Now there's a bit of erotica for you, Acorn..