Damn It! Just When Things Were Starting To Come Together!

I just read a shocking news story concerning my alma mater, the eminently prestigious Idaho State University. While primarily known as a mecca for underage drinkers, ISU technically does have a couple of other more traditionally recognized collegiate activities; namely, scholastics and athletics.

Perhaps the most surprising aspect of the story is that scholastics and athletics are loosely related to one another (unlike at some institutions, such as The Ohio State University). There is, I have just learned, a measure known as the Academic Progress Rate (APR), and Division I schools are required to exceed some minimum aggregate score in order to avoid horribly Draconian penalties, punishments so severe that even Magdalene, my cruel and unforgiving dominatrix friend, shudders at the thought of them. (And hey, call me, Mags! The new girl doesn't EVER ignore my safeword - miss you!)

According to the story, the threshold at which a program can avoid the brutal horrors that only the NCAA is evil enough to administer is 925. Since the APR rule came into effect in 2004, Idaho State’s football squad has never scored above 900. So even worse than just receiving whatever penalty would result in just a single year’s transgression, ISU could be facing the wrath of the NCAA administrators for seven years of scholastic sloth! Dear god have mercy on their souls.

So what horrific punishment have these sadistic demons handed down? Read on, if you can think you can stomach it ...

The Idaho State University Bengal Football Team will not be eligible for post-season play in 2011.

For my reader in Tanzania who may not be familiar with the ISU football program, here are their records for the last few years:

2010: 1-10
2009: 1-10
2008: 1-11
2007: 3-8
2006: 2-9

Yes, wins are listed first.

In other sports news, apparently Amaury Sport Organisation has noticed that the level of writing on this blog hasn't really progressed over the past three years and has disallowed me from this year's Tour de France. Monsters.