Monday, March 7, 2011

That Is NOT What I Meant And You KNOW It!

I’d like to apologize to my reader for straying from this blog’s raison d'être*, which is actually two-fold: 1) chronicling my quixotic pursuit of the enchanting-and-not-seen-since-8th-grade seductress Suzy Lynn Hightenschtrödel, and 2) providing up-to-date and in-depth coverage of geopolitical hotspots. It is not intended to be as demon-dog-centric as it has been as of late; however, I would like to relate the latest incident, which has proven quite troubling for me.

I popped some popcorn the other night for a relaxing evening of home theater. Not microwave, mind you, and not hot air popped, but good old fashioned oil-in-a-pan-dumped-into-a-paper-grocery-bag-slathered-in-butter-and-salt popcorn. It’s as delicious as it is deadly! I always pop way more than I can actually eat, of course, as even the thought of running out before the end of a movie is enough to reduce me to a sobbing shell of a human being.

Well, the movie was fine, the popcorn sublime, and, after rolling closed the bag and placing it on the dining room table, Indy and I repaired to the bedroom for a night of sound slumber. The next day, as I prepared to leave for the pub a volunteer shift at the orphanage, I gave her strict instructions, in no uncertain terms, to leave the bag of popcorn on the table. This is what I found upon my return:

Above: ummm … why yes, I AM still working on cataloging my CDs!

Technically speaking, of course, she abided by my directive. What am I to make of this? Is it an indication of improvement in her behavior? Is she actually showing intent in becoming a "good" dog? Might there come a time when I will be able take a shower without hoisting the garbage can up near the ceiling like a backpacker’s food in Glacier National Park?

Oh, that I could bring myself to believe that.

The more likely explanation is that she’s taking her passive-aggressiveness to a new level of annoyance. She’s been following some of the labor union stories in the news, and I suspect she’s picked up on the concept of “work-to-rule” actions, in which union members “strictly observe the employer’s rulebook” in order to … well, in order to fuck with said employer.

I’m sure you can understand my concern over this new development. She shows no signs of aging, or of any vulnerability at all, really … neither chocolate, nor chicken bones, nor barbiturates and alcohol mixed in with her food have had any effect … she seems mystefyingly impervious to traditional canine dangers. If she really has adopted this “annoyance by adherence” strategy in our ongoing battle of wits, I fear for my sanity. The war may be lost.

* French for "raisons of ether," a light and tasty fruit snack akin to trail mix.

4 comments:

Niamh B said...

where's the link to her blog again? I'd like to see her side of things...

The Dead Acorn said...

Alas, the person who created it has it set to "by invitation only," and I don't imagine I'm on the invitation list. Long story.

Anonymous said...

Actually, it's not that long a story, and not complicated, either. Acorn is sweet in cyberspace, but a douchebag in the real world.

He likes his friends and the readers of this blog to believe that the creator of Indy's blog is a jilted ex lover with mental problems; when in fact, she's just a normal woman.

You don't need to have mental problems to get pissed off and hurt when your boyfriend cheats on you, lies to you, exposes you to a disease, and then publicly humliates you by spreading lies around town about you and calling you crazy behind your back. I think you'd have mental problems if that DIDN'T piss you off.

I've been over it for years now and forgave him a long time ago. However, I do feel the urge now and then to correct Acorn's inaccurate posting to his blog about this particular subject, and I no longer care for him to read my blog, or Indy's blog.

And yes, Indy is absolutely 100% in agreement with me on this. I love you Indy!

sarah said...

wow