Everyone's Ag'in Me!

There seems to be something of a conspiracy taking place as of late. Yesterday, the Live Acorn called and asked if I could take her to and pick her up from the Harry Potter movie tomorrow. “Well, sure!” I replied. I mean really … that’s what parents are for, isn’t it? I figured we’d get some dinner beforehand, depending on if she wanted to go the 5 pm, 7 pm, or 9 pm showing, but we’d work around that. So today, I called up the EMDAMOTLA, just to make sure I had the details right, because nights this week are getting switched around a bit*. She seemed a bit surprised that I had agreed to the plan, since “it starts at midnight and gets out around 3 am.” “Excuse me?” I asked, spraying my vodka across my desk, as there was no mention of this whatsoever in my original conversation with the LA. She started laughing, made some derogatory comments about my lack of intelligence, and insisted that she had heard the LA clearly state the time.

This is complete and utter bullshit, of course, and perhaps signals an unsettling shift in the family dynamic, where Dead Acorn becomes just pawn in game of life. As if that weren’t really the case already.

Above: The Dead Acorn's cousin Mongo.

Further evidence can be found in the fact that they’re insisting that I’ve consented to get a kitten. I’ve done some silly things in my life (the whole dog shock-collar incident comes to mind, as does the homemade smoke bomb), but a fucking kitten? I don’t think so. They’ve already enlisted other friends to corroborate my non-existent agreement, so I trust no one at this point. I fear the future.

* The nights themselves aren't getting switched around - it'll still be Sun-Mon-Tue-Wed-Thu-Fri-Sat. I just meant that our regular schedule re: the Live Acorn will be slightly different. I hope this didn't cause any confusion or panic.