Monday, July 13, 2009

Everyone's Ag'in Me!

There seems to be something of a conspiracy taking place as of late. Yesterday, the Live Acorn called and asked if I could take her to and pick her up from the Harry Potter movie tomorrow. “Well, sure!” I replied. I mean really … that’s what parents are for, isn’t it? I figured we’d get some dinner beforehand, depending on if she wanted to go the 5 pm, 7 pm, or 9 pm showing, but we’d work around that. So today, I called up the EMDAMOTLA, just to make sure I had the details right, because nights this week are getting switched around a bit*. She seemed a bit surprised that I had agreed to the plan, since “it starts at midnight and gets out around 3 am.” “Excuse me?” I asked, spraying my vodka across my desk, as there was no mention of this whatsoever in my original conversation with the LA. She started laughing, made some derogatory comments about my lack of intelligence, and insisted that she had heard the LA clearly state the time.

This is complete and utter bullshit, of course, and perhaps signals an unsettling shift in the family dynamic, where Dead Acorn becomes just pawn in game of life. As if that weren’t really the case already.



Above: The Dead Acorn's cousin Mongo.


Further evidence can be found in the fact that they’re insisting that I’ve consented to get a kitten. I’ve done some silly things in my life (the whole dog shock-collar incident comes to mind, as does the homemade smoke bomb), but a fucking kitten? I don’t think so. They’ve already enlisted other friends to corroborate my non-existent agreement, so I trust no one at this point. I fear the future.


* The nights themselves aren't getting switched around - it'll still be Sun-Mon-Tue-Wed-Thu-Fri-Sat. I just meant that our regular schedule re: the Live Acorn will be slightly different. I hope this didn't cause any confusion or panic.

6 comments:

Sarah said...

I clearly heard you say, "Why yes! I would love a kitten! Pick you up at 3am? Why sure!"
Yep, heard it myself!

Pick-a-lilly said...

Why did you say that photo was of your cousin when it is clearly you?

The Dead Acorn said...

That Alex Karras was a handsome devil, no doubt.

Pick-a-lilly said...

Well, you got the devil part right! LOL!

Anonymous said...

Remote Shock Collars are one of the most effective, simplest and most humane training aids available. Remote Shock Collars are placed on a dog's neck, allowing a trainer to deliver small static corrections of varying strength by remote control. The correction the dog gets from the remote dog training collar is no different than static from walking on carpet. The benefits of working with a remote dog training collar is the trainer can immediately correct a dog's mistakes at a distance far greater than leash training allows. A Shock Collar is a safe, effective and humane way to train your dog.
A Dog Training Collar is a safe, effective and humane way to train your dog.

Pick-a-lilly said...

This seems like a link you might enjoy, Acorn.

http://www.holytaco.com/open-letters-annoying-people